Calgarian

**Facebook**

Guy: "So did I miss anything at work today?"

Me: "Why, yes you did... it turns out Calgarian actually is as amazing as he says he is. these fucking aliens invaded the shop and took us all hostage.... but Calgarian wouldnt stand for it... we were all tied up and helpless... so he ripped the space rope off with his titanium teeth and stood up and said "IN ALBERTA!!! WE WONT STAND FOR THIS!!!!" and then the aliens said, "OH NOES!! SHOOT HIM BEFORE HE CONTINUES HIS STORY AND BORES US TO DEATH!!!!" so they blasted him with their lasers... the lasers just hit him and reflected... and killed most of the aliens.... then he whistled and his horse jumped and smashed through the window. and he jumped on, pulled out his double edged sword which he made back in the 70's while on acid... and charged the aliens... chasing them around the entire building. decapitating the majority of them as they fled in terror and disbelief. he finally caught up to the leader of the aliens, cornered him in the cube core room, dismounted from his horse... walked right up to him... and punched his fist right through his skull... and pulled his enormous brain out and ate it right there. he then boarded their spacecraft and fled it to up into space and into the mother ship and again, whistled... and his horse just appeared and he started chasing the aliens around their ship. lasooing them and then tied them all together. he then sat down infront of the group of tied up aliens and told them a bunch of stories about back in the 70's while he smoked. the aliens didnt enjoy it... but they didnt want to say anything even tho they knew he was full of shit... cuz they were too polite. after boring them close to death... he proceeded to the control room, round house kicked the master computer... juss for fun... pointed the mother ship at the sun, hit the light speed button, and jumped right through the window as the mother ship warp sped right through the sun, and parachuted to earth with a parachute he made out of his horse. once he was about 4-5000 feet above the shop, he cut the ropes of his horse chute so that he cud free fall and reach a velocity fast enough to smash through the roof at the exact location where his table is. he then just continued to build his supply blades as though nothing happened. ... we had to start cleaning up at 4 today tho... cuz of the extensive damage, and the roofing company fixed the roof and Calgarian already fixed the windows by superheating some kids sandbox and and smoothening it out with somesort of gadget he had just invented back in the 70's... oh, and then he used one of those memory wiper things like on men in black to erase everyones memory of it ever happening... so dont expect anyone to tell u any of this. i was the only intelligent person in the building who wasnt attracted to the "shiny red light". cya tomorrow."